BOUNDARIES: How Many of Us Have Them?
Do we lack discipline in saying "NO"? Having no boundaries or constant moving boundaries proves to be a problem to your mental and emotional health if they are not clearly defined.
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I am just going to get right down to this point. Having a big heart can be a gift and a curse. You care so much about people and their needs that you neglect to attend to your own. You have so much to give whether it be resources, materials, knowledge encouragement, service that you open up a wide door for anyone to walk through and take. A lot of times this leads you depleted. Many people with big hearts forget that they need a refill for their cups! So when you constantly pour and the substance starts to dry out, what we have left is bare bones and then we start to wither.
During this pandemic I have certainly learned how to set boundaries with everyone. It was hard because I love to help, but found myself being depleted even to the point where warnings were coming from everywhere that I needed a refill. My spirit was withering up and all I had to pour from was from my flesh. Which is dangerous because when you are appointed by God to do a thing, your flesh should not be the resource! Everything that we do for God requires His strength. When we don't spend time in His presence and feeding off of His Word we start pouring from an empty cup, an empty vessel. We start to rely on earth based knowledge and wisdom without the aid of the Holy Spirit. Now, when I say spending time, I don't mean a few seconds in the car or even flipping through the Bible app, or even attending church once a week. That is a great start, but can you truly honestly say that you are giving God time to pour what you need to not only get through the day, but to be of use to others?
I am in the process of reading this wonderful book called:
Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No To Take Control of Your Life
By Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
The first chapter of the book entitled "A Day in a Boundary less Life" grabbed my attention. It focused on a working woman that is married and had kids and also was very active in her church. She described her day to day life, which in a nutshell consisted of her really not knowing how to say NO and considering what she could handle. Her not being able to set boundaries not only was causing her to have emotional and mental instabilities but it also affected her family. Because of her lack of boundaries, her son had behavior issues, and her husband was barely there mentally (because of the load she took on for work and church). In the end she was confused on how things were just because she was trying to make everyone happy. The other sad part was that she misrepresented God in her life by stating that overextending herself was the "Christian thing to do". God allows us to have boundaries!
I am not going to preach on this blog but look it up in the Bible! Even Jesus went to pray in solitude to get direction and infilling from His Father. Him being all God and all man still needed it! The flesh is something else!
The definition of boundaries is
: something that indicates or fixes a limit or extent
Synonyms are:
bound,
cap,
ceiling,
confines,
end,
extent,
limit,
limitation,
line,
termination
So listen, our flesh has limits and being filled with the spirit doesn't make us totally limitless unless God says so. God designed us and He knows everything about our genetic make up so He knows what all we can handle. We just have to listen to Him and obey when It comes to how to operate in our daily lives, how we parent, how we serve in marriage, how we do our jobs, and how we serve our communities and churches. Don't let anyone guilt you because you have boundaries. We are all human but we are also each designed and wired differently. We all been through life experiences that have shaped us into what we are. What others may handle you may not be able to. That is your limit and your boundary.
That is why it is important to know what your boundaries are. If you do not know what your boundaries are you will become bound.
You will become imprisoned in your emotions, mind, and health. If you are wondering why you may be picking up or losing so much weight in a short period of time, it could be due to lack of boundaries. Why do you have headaches and migraines? It could be due to having lack of boundaries. Why are you up and down and so topsy turvy with your emotions? You could be giving others to much power on how you should feel and its a great indicator that you lack boundaries. Boundaries are your protection around your property. Get the picture in your mind. They are not walls but limits. That doesn't mean they are restrictions.
Restrictions are:
: a limitation on the use or enjoyment of property or a facility
: a regulation that restricts or restrains
Don't allow people to confuse your mind into thinking that you are restricted when in fact you just have boundaries which is a form of having discipline and being disciplined with your time, energy, and resources.
Are you ready to set boundaries now? I pray and hope that you will. God's blessings wont seem like a burden when you know how to steward them when you first learn how to steward yourself.