The Deception of Loneliness
Updated: Nov 16, 2020
Are you feeling lonely? Does it appear that all hope is lost in this coronavirus season? What if I told you that what your are feeling is all a lie! Let us get to the reason and solution to your season of loneliness. Let the healing begin!
We are approaching another holiday season and the time of year where the appearance of sunlight is short lived. These are often the recipes for depression and feelings of loneliness. This season is a little different, actually A LOT different. We have an additional recipe this season to the feelings of loneliness and depression. It's called pandemic and the quarantine that comes with it.
Why do you feel lonely?
I like to use "feel" instead of "are". Why are you lonely sounds so permanent and it speaks to a position and state of mind that I don't think we should claim at any point in our lives. Feeling's can change and are more palatable. Remember death and life is in the power of our tongues.
This question is the most important thing to address to truly get to the root of the issue. Do you want a mate? Do you feel as if no one understands you? Do you need friends? Do you feel like you don't have resources to get things done?
Last week I felt a heavy burden of loneliness. It caused me to have conversations with God and to ask Him when I would receive "help". I had a handful of outdoor projects that needed to be completed and also preparing the house for the holidays. I even made a story post on my Instagram stories stating,
" Dear Future Husband,
Your future wife wants to rest her cape, she is tired"
This brings me to the first point of deception that loneliness will tell you:
#1 You don't have support
This lie will give you the impression that you have more people against you than you have with you. Which is quiet the opposite! The fact is that you are dwelling so much on the few negative people than those that support you. This will also bring about (for singles) the desire to marry. Now desiring marriage is a natural desire to have but it is the desperation that peaks around this time of year that may be alarming. You have dig and dissect your motives for wanting marriage. Is it just for comfort, a spot filler in the house, and to fulfill intimate needs or is it for what it is intended for. The problem that I have with this desperation is that it can lead to "poor" mate choices and the pressure to settle for the "at least". You know, the at least he has a job but squanders his money, at least he says the name Jesus but never picks up his Bible, and the at least he takes care of his kids but has multiple baby mothers and vice versa for all of the above! This blog entry is gender neutral!
I found out that what I was feeling, that burden of loneliness, caused me to investigate my own feelings but also to feel the prayer burden of many other people out there. This lie will produce a spirit of jealousy and bitterness when we don't get what we feel we need in the moment but yet it appears "everyone" else is getting the support they need, whether it be in marriage or social media following. Let me offer a solution to that problem....STOP SCROLLING! seriously! That spirit of comparison will creep on you so fast you won't know why your spirit all of a sudden feels so heavy with longing for what someone has (You do know that covetousness is a sin?). Its the deception! Don't fall for it!
Also, we may combat the feeling of loneliness with an air of independence. We put on the act that we are ok feeling a lone so then we may feel tempted to build "smoke screens". This could be filling that lonely void with events, accomplishments to not feel and appear vulnerable in front of people. We need to deal with the causes!
I really can stay here awhile, but I have to move on to the next topic.
# 2 You Can't Accomplish Goals
Sometimes we have it in our minds that there is no one out there that will help us accomplish our goals. No one cares about what you care about or what you are passionate about. No one is willing to help. No one is there to help push. We may even feel as if we have access to zero resources. That is another lie! We have to ask the tough questions of if we have even totally maximized our total potential of what God has placed inside of us. Have we searched on google, looked on YouTube for tutorials? Sometimes we place such little faith in ourselves because we feel someone else can do what we possibly cannot do. But "they have this and they have that". That is deception at its finest! If God has called you to a thing best believe He has given you the ability to get it done and will send whomever and whatever when it is time. Trust the timing of the Lord.
This leads me to my last point:
#3 God Has Forgotten About You
God has not forgotten about you! That is definitely a colossal lie! As a matter of fact the result of our feelings of loneliness is forgetting how near the Lord is to us. There are many accounts in the Bible where God's servants, God's called felt down right lonely! I came across a quote (author unknown) that " If you expect nothing from God, you will get it every time!" Have you called on God when these feelings of loneliness came? Or, did you succumb to what it desired? We have to expect God to fill only the God sized holes that we have in our souls. Nothing will do! The problem is that we have been looking everywhere else but God to fill these holes and we always end up back at square one. Once we allow God to be the filler we will realize the whole time that we were never alone. There are many mighty called people in the Bible that at one point felt that God had left them.
David in Psalms 13: 1-6 stated:
O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever? How long will you look the other way? How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul, with sorrow in my heart every day? How long will my enemy have the upper hand?
Turn and answer me, O Lord my God! Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die. Don’t let my enemies gloat, saying, “We have defeated him!” Don’t let them rejoice at my downfall.
But I trust in your unfailing love. I will rejoice because you have rescued me. I will sing to the Lord because he is good to me.
David had a feeling come over him but he remembered!
In Hebrews 13:5 it states,
Don’t love money; be satisfied with what you have. For God has said,
“I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.”
I know we don't want to hear that the answer is the Lord when it comes to overcoming our feelings of loneliness, but either you are going to believe He is the answer, or succumb to the lies of the enemy that seeks to destroy your mind and disturb your peace. What will you decide?
but above all:
I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.
I have no secret solution or natural way to deal with loneliness. I just know that Jesus is the answer but you have to seek Him.