Updated: Jan 4, 2021
You may not live in an environment full of things that you don't need, but what are the emotional things that are hiding in your heart and mind that you vowed to let go of in 2020?
I am a big fan of the show Hoarders. The psychology behind it intrigues me and also hits so close to home in which I will go into details about it later.
For those that have yet to watch the show, it pretty much centers on a person trapped in their house with a pile of mess, blocking every entry way. Piles of clothing and even garbage laying on beds, bathroom toilets unusable, kitchen and fridges once full of food now turned into a molded and toxic mess. The person living there is in a mound of mess and can't figure out how things got that way. Even worse, can't figure out how to get out of it. Even though they know it is not healthy, removal of these things that are holding them captive seem to trigger the root and here is where the pain is uncovered. The victims never want to let go of the toxicity for fear of having to deal with the pain and sometimes that is more painful than the walls and barriers we put up.
As you all should know by now from reading my blogs, I am a word person! I believe there is so much power when digging into the true meaning of a word that give a message impact.
The word hoarding means:
Hoarding: disorder is a persistent difficulty discarding or parting with possessions because of a perceived need to save them. A person with hoarding disorder experiences distress at the thought of getting rid of the items. Excessive accumulation of items, regardless of actual value, occurs
Compulsive Hoarding: A persistent difficulty discarding or parting with possessions because of a perceived need to save them.
With those definitions clearly defined, what are we hoarding emotionally? Are we hoarding memories? Unforgiveness? Resentment? Anger?
Majority of the time there are usually physical manifestations of the undealt with things that we are holding onto in our minds and hearts.
Here is my transparency:
My hoarding manifested with my house. On the outside it may seem as if I was quiet put together but the pain and mental state clearly showed around my house. I am really not embarrassed about telling my testimony because I identified the issue and persistently worked on the problem. I didn't want to do the normal things in my household because I was hurt. I never too much liked inviting anyone over because I simply wanted to keep people out and not holding up my end of my own responsibilities at home was a reason to keep others out. I needed to clean up so that was the reason. I really just didn't want to give anyone a chance to hurt me. That was an external solution to an internal problem. I was holding all of the above that I mention...I was hoarding memories, resentment, anger.
I wanted to touch on this subject because this here lies a secret life that a lot of people that go through trauma live but are too embarrassed to tell anyone or to reach out for help. All people know is to be judgmental and wont ever understand that your mind wants to do right, but at the same time you can't because what you created became a nice comfort barrier for you to hold on to. It gives you an excuse to sulk in your pain and a reason to not move forward.
Now, emotional hoarding does not always result in natural hoarding or unkempt homes. Sometimes it can be the opposite, OCD is one of them! You can OVER clean your homes and can be obsessed all to get away from what is going on in your mind and spirit. It can be weight gain, weight loss, ANYTHING that becomes obsessive in nature offers something that is "off" in our spirits.
I admonish you all even at the start of this year to evaluate your habits. Evaluate your homes and surroundings, it may be an indicator of an unresolved issue within your spirit. We should want to go into the rest of 2021 clear minded and in peace. God is giving us the time to do just that. Let us take advantage of it today.